How to Prepare For a Cross Cultural Relationship
Published: 31/01/2010 by Ade D'Almeida
If you're thinking about getting married to someone who's not of your culture, you could be in for a rough ride. Family clashes, religious incompatibility, and basic assumptions about politeness can turn out to be real problems. But if you're patient, careful, and pay close attention, you'll get through it. Your relationship will even be stronger for it in the long run. Here's what you should know about preparing for a cross cultural marriage.
1. Learn about your intended's culture, and expect them to learn about yours. Too many people assume that their culture gets to "win," especially if their background is a majority one where they live. Do your research and be open to understanding this new culture. It could have a lot to teach you.
2. Communicate clearly and ask your partner to do the same. Because you're not from the same culture, you'll inevitably have a few misunderstandings. If you're willing to talk about your expectations, you'll have fewer of them. It might take some practice to get used to this if you're not accustomed to voicing things everybody is supposed to understand.
3. Talk to your families. You may think your family won't have problems, or expect them to have a fit. In either case, there's a chance they'll surprise you. Even if they react just like you expect, it's a good idea to make them feel involved in your relationship and your marriage preparations. That way, they won't feel so much like outsiders.
4. Be willing to compromise. There are going to be times when your cultures clash, and there's no clear winner. Don't stick it out on every issue. Decide which ones are truly important to you and which ones you don't really mind.
5. Realize that both of you are going to change. Over the years, you're going to get more comfortable with your partner's culture, and they with yours. This can make some things that were problems at the beginning a lot easier to deal with, and bring up some new issues.
6. Get rid of your assumptions. Even if you've been dating for a long time, chances are that you've got a few uncomfortable assumptions. Leave those behind and you're likely to have a much more successful marriage.
Remember that while gender roles, social roles, religion and assumptions about kids are the big points of conflict, they aren't the only ones. Just as many couples fight over what's polite or how you set the table, too. Openness and communication don't solve everything, but they definitely help.
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